Friday, December 5

A Testimony of Hope

By Tracy Crawley

When I was a child my parents were not big churchgoers. My mother attended more often than my father did. Mom would read out of the Bible to us. Dad mostly attended at Christmas, Easter, and the 4th of July. He was an abusive alcoholic and a non-believer at that time but he liked to socialize with the people at church. However, they made sure my brother Troy and I went to Sunday school and church and we never missed camp at IdRaHaJe.

I was baptized young and did not understand a personal relationship with Jesus until I was 26 years old. I had had an automobile accident that broke my back and had two babies to raise alone. I ended up in the state hospital for 4 1/2 months. Alone with my stolen lighter and a Bible that a lady gave me when she left, I sat in my closet and read and came to really know God as a personal friend and as the leader of my life. I was on fire for Jesus! I wanted to shout it from the mountaintops like the song “Pass it on.”

Afterward, I went through many difficult things: addictions, abusive relationships, deaths of six children (four of my own and two bonus gifts from God), homelessness (twice), and loss of my teaching career. I could not pray read in the Bible or go to church. Every time I prayed it seemed one good thing would happen, followed by three or four devastating things. I knew God was out there but I had no idea where! I was working at a child's group home shelter where I watched a cop beat two girls beyond recognition over a 69 cent bag of chips. I could not do anything about it. I became an addict and an alcoholic and I could not even pray. I was terrified for my life and for my family. I could not even talk about it for a long time.  I became so sick in my soul.

There was a lot of political and personal things going on in our church and it split, even splitting families apart. So I quit going to church and for a second time I turned to alcohol drugs because  I wanted to get so high where I couldn't feel the pain. Finally after walking alone for a long time I started back to church. I church-hopped like a bunny rabbit. Church didn't feel right. I felt more at home on the streets.

Through all this, I am grateful for those people who never quit on me or gave up like Karen Potter who chased me down at City Market to extend her love. Marilyn Madsen and Aunt Fay who always guided me back with kind encouraging words, Bible verses, and with their wisdom. Mark Madsen who was like a loving father; very firm and very direct, always a straight shooter. People would show up at my house to tell me they loved us and missed us at church. I would not be the godly lady I am now if it were not for these great people and my loving pastors and their families.

I would like to say that that was the last time I stepped away from the presence of God. But ohh no! I didn't learn that easily. I continued to raise children - mine and my husband Roger’s and my grandson. Roger and I were married 8 ½ very long years and our marriage ended in a very sad way. My brother Troy died near that time also. I stayed single for a while then I dated Roger’s biker brother. Wow! What a ride. Both good and bad - didn't think I was going to live through that one. My next relationship was with Tim. We were married for six years. Tim was a godly man however also the harshest man I ever met he would get mad and stay that way for months. He was very ill when we met. He was not kind to me or my grandson, Jason. The six years of marriage were damaging to all of us but God brought us all back together and our hearts beat as one again before God took Tim home. In that same year I lost my best friend of 40 years and the woman that was raised as my sister.

Then in 2019 I got sepsis and almost died. I am only here because of the prayers of the church family. My current journey with God began with bad choices, crushed marriage, blown knee and back, laid up mostly alone for eight months, and a dumpster dive from a family member - talk about God meeting you where you stand.

Thank you, Tracy, for sharing your story. Even though it is a story of difficulties and loss, it is also a story of hope because God is not finished writing this story!

Tracy’s favorite verses – may they bring you hope!

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

2 Corinthians 1:1-11

Psalms 23, 91-92